Times are Tough

Yes...I'll admit it...I'm back on match.com...


I was told before that I needed to go on a date...that my blogs were getting boring...and that I needed new material...so here I am...on the internet...trolling for men....just for you guys


Disclaimer: My roommate just asked me if I *drank* at breakfast...


Umm...yeaaa?


Match.com is like facebook...but better...Remember those posts that said..."Now you can see who has viewed your profile and how many times" and we all found ourselves asking..."Wait...is this for real...now people are going to know what a stalker I am!!!" 


Or maybe that was just me...


Well...on match....people DO know what a stalker you are...but the upside of that is...you can see who's stalking YOU! Today a man viewed my profile who appears to not own an actual shirt...Every picture on his profile is of him and his "bros" on a boat...shirtless...pounding drinks or posing with a container of protein powder. Are you effing kidding me? Protein powder???  


Wow, that's sooo cool bro, like...will you take me on you boat and get me drunk, and make protein shakes, and let me stare are your big strong muscles???


*BARF*


For a mere $34.99 a month...you too can have access to a plethera of men...not necessarily datable men...but men nonetheless. 


Men who don't own shirts, men who have already messaged your friends, men who have already dated your friends and you can actually hit on your own friends! 


I don't think my girlfriend was impressed by the V.I.P email I sent her....but whatever. Nor did she respond to my invitation for a threesome...but i'm getting over the rejection. And if you're sitting there asking yourself...what the f$ck is a V.I.P email??? Well...I wasn't sure either, which is why I sent one to my girlfriend first to try it out...and let me tell you....V.I.P stands for "Very Interested Person"...and you can only send this email once a week....and when you're writing the email...match.com actually gives you "special tips" for writing a good email....


Seriously? Men don't know how to even talk to women anymore, nor can they pick up an actual phone, and now they need help writing a goddamn email? 


And did I mention another great benefit of match.com....for only $34.99 a month...you can now feel rejected from the comforts of your own home, in your pjs...without ever going out on an actual date! 


These are just some of the highlights


I'm working on an actual face to face date as we speak...stay tuned...


But if that doesn't work out...a friend of mine suggested I switch to chicks


"I don't know what you've heard...but I don't eat muff pie"
-Bad Teacher