The "Ho" Test

A few months ago I had a man run what he called the "ho test" on me...

I had never heard of such a "test"? Is this what men are doing???

Here was the senario...
It was our first date...we sat at the bar and had drinks and talked for several hours...he walked me to my car where we kissed goodnight...then he asked "Do you wanna take this back to my place?"

I was shocked...what had I done to give off the vibe that I was a "ho"? I read him the riot act and let him know that if he was just "DTF" (down the f$ck) that he should look elsewhere. He apologized and said it was "all good."

After a month of continuing to see each other...he admitted that he ran the "ho test" on me....which involved asking a girl back to your place on the first date to see if she's a HO!!! This is something one of his idiot friends had come up with...clearly they had done their research...

He claimed that he didn't want to date a girl that would give it up that easily (fair enough)...but seriously...WTF??? How many men are running this "test?"

I googled "ho test" and this is what I found...

It's pretty freaking amazing...honestly, this is just what I needed...a good harsh dose of reality! Ladies beware...you need to read this article!!!

To read the full article (parts 1 and 2) visit http://www.askheartbeat.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=81&Itemid=27

Here are some excerpts to peak your interest...

The 'Ho Test: Lady or 'Ho?

All men, from hard core players and pimps to hardworking, churchgoing “husband material” will run some variation of the ‘ho test on every woman they meet.  How you handle the questions put forth and the situations you will find yourself in shall determine your future.  Whether he puts feelings into a relationship with you, or labels you low class, easy, trifling, money-grubbing good for nothing and commences to use you for whatever he can get before moving on is what is at stake...

Keeping in mind that most men believe ‘you can’t turn a ‘ho into a housewife, when a guy meets you he is going to seek answers to many questions:  “Can I dazzle her with bullshit, cheat on her, get with her on the under (though I am dating her best friend)?  I just broke up with her best friend who she knows still has feelings for me... will she be trifling enough to pick me over someone that has been her friend for years?  Will she be a lady and honor and respect me in front of my buddies or go for the game they throw?  Will she put me in check or leave my butt if I act a fool, or will she let me have my cake and eat it too?  Is she a lady I might consider wife material or a broke down stupid ‘ho?” 

Passing A ‘Ho Test

A man is not going to tell or warn you in advance that he is running the ‘ho test - that defeats the whole purpose of the pop quiz! 

So ladies...beware...if you act like a pro...you might be a ho!

*Those are my own personal words of advice*

Here he is it ladies and gentlemen....

Check him out in his natural habitat. His dress: conservative yet cocky. His primary diet consists of beer and frozen dinners. He's the single man, prowling the streets looking for his prey. Here he is in action. Licking his lips at what might be his late night snack.

Sometimes it's hard to distinguish the "single man" from the "taken man" - his  flirty and forward nature make it difficult for one to decern.

I often feel like i'm living a bad episode of Sex in the City, except it's not from a script...it's my freakin' life!!!

I recently ran into a predicament with a "taken man" posing as single. Upon first meeting him nearly a year ago he presented himself as very interested, not ready for a relationship...but definitely on the "prowl."


Like any predator, he stalked his prey...calculating what times might be best to go in for the kill....seeing as how he lived in the apartment downstairs, it was easy for him to stalk. After a long day of "hunting" he often thought 2am was prime feeding time.


He used to steal my parking spot to get my attention - claiming he was holding it "ransom" and other juvenile tactics such as leaving starbucks on my doorstep (which I mistakenly interpreted as thoughful) ...but as my cousin pointed out...

"In his mind, he spent $3 on starbucks hoping it might get him laid...not a huge cost to him"

I made it clear that I was not interested in being his convenience call...but unfortunately he was quite persistant  and managed to get my attention from time to time. If I did try to ignore him, I'd get texts like "helllloooooo, why are you ignoring me!!!!" He's definitely the type of person that gets by on his good looks and charm...and seeing as how he lived downstairs, I really couldn't get away from this fool.


I asked the important questions:
"Are you dating anyone"
"Do you have a girlfriend"
"Are you married"

His responses continued to be
"No"
"I'm not ready for a relationship"
"I'm trying to get my life together" "
"I'm not in a good place"
"The timing is wrong"

I'll say....

What he *should* have said was...I have a girlfriend, i'm a shady liar and a cheater...and I think with my DICK!  

About a month ago I learned of his girlfriend, and thanks to facebook I know who she is...I believe his exact words were "Would you still want to hang out with me if I told you I had a girlfriend?"  His texts before that read "My shower's broken, can I use yours?" and "After we eat, i'll come back to your place to use your shower" dude...I get it...you're trying to invite yourself to my place...highly inappropriate texts coming from someone with a girlfriend.

I told him to leave me the f$ck alone and suggested he use his girlfriend's shower...

He has since moved in with two chicks in Land Park...which is definitely concerning - perhaps one of them is his girlfriend? It would make sense....he's lazy, selfish, and if it's not convenient, he's not down...

He apologized and claimed he thought we were "friends", and continued to push for a "friendship" - perhaps he needs someone for when his girlfriend is out of town or when his left hand gets tired...

I feel sorry for his girlfriend, and all girlfriends of guys like that. What is it about these men...is one woman not enough?  

I recently spoke with another girlfriend who ran into a similar situation. A man with a girlfriend asked for her number, made several attempts to hang out with her before she figured out he had a girlfriend. He told her that unless he is married he still considers himself single. 

Wow...that's a HUGE  gray area...I guarantee this girlfriend of his does not share his viewpoint

 He claimed he "fell" into the relationship due to mutual friends and isn't all that happy.

I'm sorry...are you being held there at gun point??? Time to put on your "big boy pants" and end it!

He won't...like most he seems to want his girlfriend...aka his "security blanket" and his hot chick on the side. It's so sad and pathetic.

I may be habitually single and *slightly* cynical...but at least I'm not some dude's security blanket while he runs around behind my back trying to get laid!

In the words of Charlotte from Sex in the City

I've been dating a million years....where is he???

Fuck Off!

Yes...I said FUCK!

I have been told to "fuck off" twice now in the last 24 hours...and no...not by my students...but adult males...one of which I just met!

Not only is chivalry dead...but apparently manners and common decency have gone out of style as well.

Yes, I know it sounds like I'm over-reacting....and I do have a much thicker skin that this...BUT...I'm trying to make a point!

My mom always raised me with the thought that it was rude if any man cussed in front of a woman...let alone AT HER! And sure, I drop the f-bomb here and there, who doesn't? But I've never cussed at someone, even in jest.

Last night I met this guy and we realized that his mom used to teach at my high school and his sister went there as well. He asked me what year I graduated and how old I was....when I told him I was 28 he replied, "FUCK OFF!"


Excuse me?????

No.....YOU fuck off dude

So he clarified that I looked much younger and "good for you" aka...that was supposed to be a compliment? Is "fuck off" now synonymous with "shut up", "no way" or "get outta here" because nobody filled me in?

Today, I was making conversation with a friend, and he told me to "fuck off" as well! I was willing to let the first one go from last night....but 2 times in 24 hours...what the FUCK!?

Yes....I said FUCK...again

I'm the type of girl who loves to joke around, and I can usually take a joke as well as dish it back....but in the past few years...I've had men I dated....men who I *assumed* were trying to impress me...because that's what my mom always said, when a man likes you, he's going to put his best foot forward and try to win you over....

Here are a few comments/gestures men thought were OK to do on a date

• One guy actually flipped me off while we were having dinner at Lucca...keep in mind this is a nice Italian restaurant
• A guy who I'd never met told me to "go to hell" over the phone as a joke?
• Another guy said "fuck you" to me...again...as a "joke"
• And the most recent guy I dated...who claimed that he liked me more than I liked him...actually cussed me out of his apartment and threw what I'd like to call a "grown man temper tantrum" because he wasn't getting laid

Seriously....when people ask me..."why are you single"

THIS IS WHY!!!!!

There is a lack of suitable resources....

Me...and my vagina are going on strike until conditions improve!

Datable men are like dinosaurs....they're extinct! Wouldn't it be awesome if they had an exhibit at the museums...where women could study the remains of the datable decent men that used to roam the planet? They could have pictures of these men performing their manly duties...like opening doors and paying bills!

Ok...maybe not the paying bills part...it's not 1950 anymore after all.

If there was an exhibit for the men of 2011, there would be pictures of men "forgetting their wallets" at dinner, checking out other girls while on a date...and texting their "girlfriend" when out with their wife!

If this poster is true...I guess I should consider myself a great woman!