Match.com....the creepers

So I dared to venture into the online dating world...swallowing my pride, hoping to meet that special someone...

This has been my experience

A flurry of men who would never hit on you in person...but think it's ok to send creepy emails. Most of them have pictures that are
a) far away
b) of scenery
c) of them wearing hats
d) close mouthed smiles

Let me translate this for you...far away pictues mean you're either a) fat or b) ugly or a combination of both. Scenery means...the same thing! Like wow, thanks for letting me see what snow looks like...does the snow want to take me on a date? Hats mean "no hair" and close mouth smiles mean "bad teeth"...you get the idea.

Here are some excerpts from emails i've recieved

Suitor #1
Subject: omg
Message: ur hot
My Thoughts: wow...that's so articulate...Can we please bone now?  

Suitor #2
Subject: Just wanted...
Message: to say hello! I must say, you have a great smile, a cute doggie and you make a very sexy bunny!   
Happy New Year to you and the ones you love most... I'll be dreaming you giving you a soft new years  kiss!! hehe..
My Thoughts: This is disturbing...a man who has never met me is dreaming of raping my face! I now feel violated through my computer...

Tonight I got my first taste of the men you STALK you on match.com

His name is Drew, he's a lawyer in Santa Rosa. We exchanged a few friendly emails then he asked for my facebook email...which also linked to my gmail account. I figured he was trying to stalk me and see my pictures but I figured...what the hell...I wouldn't mind stalking him as well. So he begins messaging me on both gchat AND facebook...at the SAME time. I tell him I have to go but if he'd like to chat to give me a call....but does he call??? NO! He sends a few one liner emails my way which I ignored.

Then a few days ago I blocked him from gchat and deleted him off my facebook. Today I received a plethora of texts, emails and phonecalls...asking "did I do something to offend you?"

Before I could respond to the text...I received an email. I responded to his email explaining that he never called so I figured I'd delete him. He asks "well do you want me to tell you the truth and make you feel like an asshole or should I make up a silly excuse" for shits and giggles I said..."sure, give me the truth" He claimed to have a cyst in his mouth that he has had several oral sugeries on...and hence hasn't been in the mood to talk! I respond, "well that's fine, we all have stresses in our lives but I know how to make time for people, please don't contact me anymore"

Does he listen??? NO! I have received 2 phonecalls since and an email asking me to return his calls!!! STALKER STATUS is what he's reached!

So as you can see...match.com has been quite the experience so far...perhaps i'll go back to meeting men the old fashioned way...having them come up to me at a bar, spill half their drink on me, and ask to take me home...