I swear...you'd think I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "I love douchebags"
Take my neighbor for example....yes I know "Don't shit where you eat" but I never can seem to learn my lesson. This guy is smokin' hot and lives downstairs. Let me cut to the chase...he got my number about a month ago and since then he has been texting me asking me to come downstairs and "cuddle" or "tuck him into bed"....seriously. So I made it more than clear that I wasn't interested in being his booty call...but he clearly wasn't listening!
Alas...Sunday we did brunch, mimosas, and a make out back at his place...and this fool kept putting my hand on his wiener! I'm like dude...I know where it is...I don't need you to show me. He then said "my dick hurts" because it's been so long. Cry me a river! So your erection is my problem now? I told him to either a) masturbate when I leave or b) go to the bathroom and take care of it...and he says..."really?" as if that was a good option!!! Could you even imagine if girls were saying stuff like "My vagina hurts, it's been awhile...excuse me while I go masturbate."
Let's talk about today....I was volunteering at Cal Expo passing out girl scout cookies to troups. I was working with 2 married men at my truck and they were both in the Navy. We were joking around and having a grand ol' time....then as they leave one of them slips me his business card...I said "Aren't you MARRIED???" and he says..."this is just innocent"
What the F_CK am I doing to give off the vibe that I'd be down for something like this? My neighbor thinks I'm DTF...and since he hasn't gotten any he has stopped calling me...but hey...no worries...I got a married man's phone number today...shoot me now!!!
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